ten. forty. seven.

10:47 pm

"through the cycle one more time
telling yourself its the last
if you didn't lie so well
you know you might have the courage to change
after all life's not so bad
well if you don't count the present or past
try to live with what you've got
you gave up your life in exchange
for ever decreasing circles"

An old song, a long time ago.

A long time ago, yeah, but the conflict remains the same. It is mostly in what I don't do, in what I'm not.

When you've lost one too many times to take your declarations of intent seriously, what do you then do? In a sense, all of my crazy acts over the last two years have centered on one thing: trying to find some mode of action which will open a new direction.

We've been through this a long damn time ago, haven't we. The pit. The slippery slope. How to start from zero.

Well maybe I'm just crap, of course, that is the unacceptable possibility. Maybe I write for shit, work for shit, have basically shit potential and shit for brains. Eh? Sure as hell explains a lot.

"The alternative is unthinkable." But I never had the luxury of that reasoning, did I.

Ah well. Still alive.

klik if you demand tedious explanations of every little thing.