a neoformalist dream

When I was in my early teens I had a dream while nearly delerious with the flu and a very high fever. In it, I was aware that each word I spoke was defining the pattern of a vast and intricate pattern. This pattern was not quite tangible, and yet it was real and physical. It was something like a network of interlocking bars or pipes, yet it was not constructed of bars or pipes. It was not really constructed at all. It appeared and was present as I spoke, and each word could radically alter the pattern both by its relationship to the pattern as a whole and by its relationship to each word that had altered the pattern before its own. I sensed that there were rules of order, but the size of my pattern (I was wordy even at fourteen) and the sheer numbers of interrelations made comprehension or prediction of the pattern impossible. The pattern was physically constricting me, it's permutations surrounding and entrapping me. I was speaking desperately, trying to reform the pattern into something I could deal with. My efforts only made the entanglement worse. Then, suddenly and seemingly by accident, I spoke words that caused the pattern to fall into a open, harmonious symmetry. I felt a great sense of relief and freedom. But then I spoke words without thinking that collapsed the pattern back into entropy, and myself back into the cage of the patterns of my words. I babbled, and was enclosed more tightly. But at one moment I saw a hole open in the pattern, a sort of tunnel through the overall chaos of intersection and delineation. I leapt right through it. I woke up at the foot of my bed, crouched on all fours. I had literally gotten up and scrambled off the end of my bed and onto the floor.

klik if you demand tedious explanations of every little thing.