savior of time

And in a flash an understanding occurs: the feeling, the feeling that he's fighting, the feeling that defines in the negative the best explanation he can give of what he's seeking, the feeling that is at the opposite end of the spectrum from that is this: it is the feeling of killing time. At once he becomes deeply and painfully aware that killing time is a strange and terrible and sinful thing to do. He may be literally killing time, piecing one little bit of unstructured and inefficient doing to the next for no other reason than to push the clock around. Then the feeling is the strongest, a pure revulsion. But even at his most active, useful and content it is there, somewhere murmuring worryingly in the background. They have no job for him that is not at least in some small part (and most of them in great bleeding chunks) a killing of time.

What would the opposite of that be, then? Saving time? Surely, but not in the sense this is conventionally meant, of accelerating one task to leave more than the expected time for something else. Saving time in this context is even worse, it just leaves more blankness to be dealt with, to be destroyed. But how else can he save time? Like Superman or Jesus saves, he supposes. To rescue or redeem it. Even as he thinks this it seems both right and an impossible demand. Even if the moment he were in was redeemable, what of all the dead moments that were killed as they flowed past? This must be why he feels so tired.

klik if you demand tedious explanations of every little thing.