On the heels of announcements that the popular WinMX file sharing network had shut down under threat of litigation, and the announcement by Sam Yagen, President of eDonkey (another P2P player) before a congressional judiciary committee hearing that his company would be unable to continue operations due to the prohibitive legal costs of defending the company's business against copyright infringement lawsuits, the RIAA is flush with a new confidence.
Chairman and CEO Mitch Bainwol demonstrated this new spirit by providing an enthusiastic demonstration of the widely reviled recording industry trade group's strategy for eradicating copyright infringement via P2P networks.
"We do not have a single tool for wiping out this scourge of thievery," Bainwol declared, hoisting a large red metal toolbox onto the table before him. "We have a comprehensive toolbox. File sharing is a many-headed hydra, and for every dirty job there is the right tool." Bainwol upended the toolbox, dumping some dozen widely varying hammers onto the table.
He then dumped a five gallon tub of lime Jello onto the table and had at it. Bainwol demonstrated "major legislative lobbying efforts," an eight-pound sledgehammer with which he sundered the shivering mass into a shapeless splat that spattered those in the first two rows on impact and dripped from the table after; "litigation of P2P service providers," a well-worn carpenter's hammer Bainwol wielded with furious speed against the larger lumps left by his primary assault, and several other tools, including "direct prosecution of individuals," a tiny jeweler's hammer. Bainwol applied the latter for fully five minutes, attacking tiny chunks scattered across the table and at times the floor (where he pursued them on hands and knees) with ferocious intensity.
Breathless and sweating freely, Bainwol recovered himself after pursuing a particularly errant gobbet halfway across the stage, and returned to the podium.
"But the RIAA isn't about keeping people from music, unless they're dirty, dirty thieves and pirates. It's about connecting people to music. That's why we're leading the way in promoting the safe, honest, and moral transaction of music over the internet. The internet provides many different avenues to openly, legally, and above all profitably deliver music. And for each of these there is the correct tool for the consumer." With this Bainwol turned another toolbox over above the table and dumped out an assortment of screwdrivers.
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