Paris Hilton faces scandal once again as a Bluetooth hack yielded several videos from the heiress' T-Mobile Sidekick II personal communication device. The unknown hacker then used the wireless multimedia and internet connectivity functions of the Sidekick unit (which Ms. Hilton has meticulously decorated with Swarovski crystals) to hack into her T-Mobile "tmail" account, where they gained access to dozens more videos. So far her legal swat unit has headed off any broad release of the video. But the situation is hopeless, internet pundits avow: the videos are out there: they're real, and they are shocking.
Ms. Hilton is widely recognized and admired for her masterful management of the release of her "the things I'll do for love" sex videos, ultimately produced as the DVD 1 Night in Paris. It is acknowledged that perpetrators of the tape's release were personally bitch slapped by Ms. Hilton in the fullest and most satisfyingly legal sense of the word, and that Ms. Hilton proceeded to manipulate the media gestalt around the videos into an unusually strong launch for her reality television series, Hicks is Tricks. But industry insiders wonder if the fairy tale Snow Goddess, actress, heiress to the hospitality fortune of parents Rick and Kathy Hilton, great granddaughter of fortune founder Conrand Hilton (grandfather, Conrad ''Nicky'' Hilton, Jr., was notably first of Elizabeth Taylor's many ex-husbands), author, model, designer, club developer and owner, will weather the latest storm.
By various reports the 27 or 29 videos were taken by Hilton of herself. Those who have seen them describe them as alternately composed of "performance art, movement theater, and mime." According to an expert in the field, who claims he was emailed the videos by the hacker him- or herself, the videos are "artistic, very experimental, and spectacularly boring. From the perspective of the standards of performance and movement art this is saying a very great deal indeed."
In one video, Ms. Hilton silently wraps what appears to be a class ring in purple yarn, pausing periodically to apply clear nail polish to the wrapped yarn. By the end of the 27 minute video she is holding a ball of glistening yarn one foot in diameter. In another she meticulously applies Swarovski crystals to her T-Mobile Sidekick II personal communication device.
Others examples follow more closely in the tradition of performance art, and feature Ms. Hilton crouching and cowering, shrieking, among shards of broken glass, and slapping herself repeatedly on the head with a slab of raw meat.
There are also videos with dialog. In one Paris Hilton tells a short joke repeatedly.
"What did the doe say when she walked out of the forest?"
"I'll never do that for two bucks again."
Between each repetition Ms. Hilton sings "a deer, a female deer" in a surprisingly robust alto.
She repeats the joke 783 times.
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1 comment:
This is a lost chapter from "Infinite Jest," I think?
- Nonny Mouse
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