Tuesday, April 04, 2006

a spirit so willing

...I come back briefly to say, not as if I'm saying truth but rather as I say it to myself: I will not be fooled again, I will not be tricked by my hope and desire. No. I lay out cards in my mind...

I ponder this weird iconography, like some convoluted rebus I cannot decipher. Just look in dismay at these so-called actions and say: I will not be fooled again. Look at my soft brown eyes, look at the steel of disappointment, pain and time that I have invested them with, and mutter =The Flesh.=

But the flesh is weak... And so I poison, deprive and abuse it. Make it the whipping boy for my disenchantment. Tell it sternly =I will not be fooled again,= not knowing whether I am cursing or merely fooling myself with such incantation: I pound the flesh into the ground with neglect, till it is forced to shut down. And so I escape from my mind, and the irony of that dilemma.

klik if you demand tedious explanations of every little thing.

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