I was in the passenger seat of a white pickup truck and Jesus was driving, dressed in shining white robes just like in a painting but He was wearing this bright orange feed cap with a confederate flag patch on the front.
He was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other one out the window resting on the hood of the cab and He turned to me and said "my daughter, you have had a wardrobe malfunction," and that was when I realized I was topless, no bra or anything, all I had on were a pair of low-rider daisy dukes and to make it worse I must have decided to go it commando because I could feel the back seam crawling right up my butt. So I crossed my arms across my chest even though He wasn't looking at them and I said "oh Lord, you know it's in my contract I'll never do nudies." But He shook his head and He had such a sad look in His eyes and He said "it is too late, my daughter. The pictures have already been posted to the internet."
"Jesus," I said, "did you see my teevee show? It's about traditional family values."
"You mean Dumb and Dumber?" he asked. It took me a minute to realize what he'd said and I was so hurt I couldn't even talk at first. I said "Jesus, didn't you read my In Style interview? The whole dumb blonde thing is just an act!"
Jesus was humming "In Christ a Solid Rock I Stand" and I thought I might feel better if I sang along but I just couldn't sing a hymn topless. I got more and more uncomfortable and finally I had to say something just to break the silence. "Dukes is just a summer popcorn movie, Lord. You know it's not what my real message is about."
Then He just let go of the steering wheel and lifted both his hands up and said "you better not let the General Lee hear you say that."
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