Monday, August 22, 2005

Britney Spears: "Sue me, bioTchEz!"

At the press conference Federline née Spears stated: "Yo yo, yeah y'all. Me and my posse beeped y'all so you could tell all those punkass biotches, all those paparizzle and tabloid mofo fo shizzle, this the new way we gonna roll Malibu style from now on fo' real real. You get all up in Barbie's Dream House when I gots my peeps up in my crib, well, you wait and see what happens, fo' real? You don't like what happens, biotch, go ahead and sue my ass and you see if you like what happens then"

Man Manny of the Sudbury Sentinel asked if Spears was admitting by her statement that either her entourage or some member of her household was responsible for the August pellet gunning of Paparazzo Brad Diaz.

The pop idol replied: "Yo, I heard that punk biotch, that Briazzle Diazzle, he say he got all shot up outside my home, he say he all bleeding and shit, yo? I don't know. I know my crew be hard like fo' real gangstas, yo? The 'Bu be hard like 3100, yo, homies? We got all kind of straps up in my crib, like fo protection, yo? We got Airsoft, we got some paintball, yo like Kevin got him a BB gun fo' his birthday. They be strapped all over up in Miami, yo, I got a lotta fans, I can't control them. So if he going to be all like bitch, you broke my skin, yo I'm all like you lucky, punk! That shit coulda gone in your eye, and you'd be all like blind! You could get tetanus, or like an infection? And like die and shit? You just better know that if you get up in my crib and you be taking pictures or you be stalking, like, somebody I don't know may pop a pellezzle in you skizzle. Yo?"

In response to a call a junior editor at hick hop culture periodical Wigger Weekly Whizzle confirmed that Mrs. Federline née Spears' statement indicated firing a plastic pellet from an air rifle, resulting in the pellet becoming lodged under the skin.

At this point reporter Nancy Papsmere of the Calabass Eye, who had not been called upon, loudly interjected a question as to whether the fact that Mrs. Federline née Spears was "talking funny" was connected to rumors of a planned album of "dirty west coast gangsta rap," said to be the brain child of spouse Federline.

Federline née Spears responded heatedly, "Aw, no you didn't, I know you didn't just say I be talking funny, biotch! Ooh, ooh, you gonna, ooh you gonna, oh the Brizzle Sp'rizzle gonna pellezzle you, you're gonna get a pezzle, a plezzle -" at which time Federline née Spears' manager took the microphone and announced that Federline née Spears would take no further questions. As Federline née Spears was led from the conference room by her entourage, an unknown reporter shouted "who is the Brizzle Sp'rizzle?" Federline née Spears' manager responded "I don't know"

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