Brain in about four tracks, feeling =dangerously out of phase with surroundings,= One track's the dull and narrow progress of the days, notes with displeasure that tomorrow brings, oh, fatigue likely, the dullness of being at work, churning out dull and distasteful fact sheets, mumbling and bumbling and futzing around, getting through. Just, it's not so bad right now, so nothing aching about it, just that part of my mind, aware that, truth be told, I would prefer not to.
Another portion concerned with her, and that is a godawful dead end, an unexemplary mix of feeble twitches, yeah... Just, it's very basic, the basic giving up, yet still wishing and hoping, yet so much there's just not a thing there. Nothing was solved. I feel right with the decision I made, not to spring the mine on her, I'm glad I omitted, learned my lesson, yeah, but there it is. I dunno even where it's coming from, it's senseless. And I feel foolish, and I do so hate to feel foolish. Can't help it, can't help asking, why isn't she thinking about me the way I'm thinking about her? Twiddle-dee-dum, anyway, not, that's that. If only.
a note aside from the present time: we're married now
One part tackles the eternal verities, considers thoughts. patterns, all the major questions that seem so remote from the majority of my day to day, and so, so much more interesting.
And yet one more, oh, flips channels on my personal history channel, throwing me a choice moment to ponder every now and then.
And then the evening is over and for a little while all obligations perceived and real (?) can be suspended and I can let these channels of thought loose, fret throught them and fall slowly asleep.
I'm not exactly unhappy, but I am still searching for a better way.
this ends the component of the Kingdom Come Institute designated Second Model
klik if you demand tedious explanations of every little thing.
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