but if a million of us did it they'd lose their minds

Vexing Corporations Method Seventeen: the Boycott

Actual content of an e-mail sent to the Volkswagen Corporation:

From: Dr. J.L.B. Smith (not my real name)

I'm writing to strenuosly object to your recent commercial in which a Volkswagen's full size spare tire is compared to the famous rediscovered fossil fish, the Coelacanth

This surprising survivor of the 350 million year old sub-class Crossopterygii, or "lobed-finned fish," which was rediscovered in 1938, could certainly be described as the classic textbook case of a rediscovered species, and one of the inspirations of
"Lost World" mythology that pervades the fantasy of our culture to this day. Anyone who has the slightest interest in things biological, anyone who finds the tiniest fascination in evoloutionary theory or the possibility of living fossils such as the Loch Ness monster knows of the Coelacanth. Apt pupils learn of our carnivorous, hollow-spined (the literal meaning of its Greek name) friend before they hit fourth grade. In short, EVERY DAMN PERSON WHO IS GOING TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR LITTLE JOKE ALREADY GETS IT.

So why in Almighty God's name does this almost moderately clever commercial spoil its impact by the little lecture on what the Coelacanth is? This clumsy maneuver not only destroys the comic timing of the commercial with the shoddy cocktail party comedian's bad habit of explaining the punch line, but it insults the intelligence of
viewer most likely to be moved by the commercial's particular tack.

I'm sick and tired of corporations insulting my intelligence every time I turn on the damn television, particularly manufacturers of weird, silly little cars. The Kingdom Come Institute is a Large, Organized Resistance dedicated to a less stupid society and this kind of monkey business won't be tolerated. Be informed that a full-scale boycott has been launched against your products and will continue until the offensive ending of this commercial is expurgated!

Sincerely,

HolierThanThou@REDACTED.com

This act of social conscience was generated by a semiautonomous
semantics engine.

klik if you demand tedious explanations of every little thing.