The recent announcement by the artist formely known as Britney Spears and husband what's-his-name, voicing fear of the release of a post-conception, Hilton-style sex video they believe was stolen and duplicated by a member of the AFKA Spears entourage, raised a certain amount of confusion amongst entrenched watchers of the Roman aristocracy. Insiders debated the rationale of airing details when the video's existence was unconfirmed and release was uncertain and potentially still avoidable. More cynical observers opined that, whether the video was real or not, the announcements were merely part of a ploy to counteract the abysmal ratings and DVD sales of the couple's reality teevee car crash Britney and What's-His-Name: Chaotic.
But darker suggestions whispered in the corridors of influence suggested that the conspiracy afoot went much deeper than a little smutty news to prop up a dissapointing media product.
Even stalwarts of the conspiracy set are shocked by the depth and depravity of the rumour mill. Is the sex video announcement really a coded message of warning to reality rivals Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey? Are Britney and what's-his-name actually threatening the release of a video, rather than anticipating it? Does the putative video in question actually reveal Simpson's baffling artificial insemination of actress Katie Holmes behind the grassy knoll, answering widespread confusion stemming from the common knowledge fact that Holmes sweetheart Tom Cruise's testes were replaced with Scientology implants nearly a decade ago, and is it the origin of recent Simpson-Lachey divorce rumours? And what of intimations that the genetic donor was in fact embattled representative Tom DeLay?
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